I'm Outta Here!

As a pastor who still recognizes his youthfulness, I can say with confidence that I can’t comprehend most of the mysteries of Christian ministry. I don’t understand why Christians don’t pray more often (self included). I don’t understand why it is so difficult for physical ministry to transition into spiritual ministry. I don’t understand why we’ve made it so easy for church members to just leave: to walk out the door one day, and then never to return again.

Best I can tell there are three big reasons that people leave the church: they’ve moved; they’ve become discontent; or they’ve been burned up/have been choked out. Perhaps examining each of these reasons will help give a better understanding of just why we’ve made church membership so flexible.

They’ve Moved

Of the three big reasons that people leave the church, this one is the most “pleasant.” If the congregation is located in an area with a higher proportion of active military personnel or professions which capitalize on upward mobility, you’ve probably seen this more often. The members who are leaving the church don’t really want to, but they have to. These members are still likely to stay in contact with others in the congregation, and might even continue giving financially for a time. While it is still difficult to see them go, leaving on amicable terms ensures that the congregation and the departing members will heal more quickly and might even continue benefiting from each other in the future.

They’ve Become Discontent

This is the most painful reason that people leave. Something has happened; an intractable conflict or situation has seemingly forced them out. Perhaps there is an ongoing conflict between families. Or perhaps the departing member wants to wound the church for not doing what he or she wanted. I once witnessed a member announce that he was leaving the church during the Sunday school report at the outset of that Sunday’s worship service due to an intractable problem with the church’s leadership. He either wanted to wound the pastor, the congregation, or both.

            The vast majority of departing members who are discontent aren’t quite so public about it, but they are still just as likely to spread their news around the community, the office, or the gym. It seems that members who leave because of discontentment are very unlikely to rejoin the congregation, at least in the near-term. As a result, it is almost always best just to let them go, even if they were good givers or taught Sunday school or have a large family. Discontent members are very likely to cause divisions in the Body, which means they should be marked and avoided (Romans 16:17). This might sound cold or harsh, but if the discontent member is the one who initiated the departure, praise God.

They’ve Burned Up or Have Been Choked Out

Jesus told us it would be this way. In the Parable of the Sower, half of the seeds fall on ground which shows immediate potential for growth, but something terrible happens. Some spring up, but the soil is rocky. Because of the lack of soil depth, the new growth is killed when the hot sun comes up. Other seed springs up in the thorn bushes, but the new growth is choked out as soon as it really gets going. In both cases, the hope of growth was killed either quickly (in the case of the rocky soil) or methodically (in the case of the thorny soil).

It is my feeling that a huge majority of those who leave our congregations don’t bid tearful goodbyes as they move away…they don’t storm out the front door with a scowl…instead, they slip out the back door. Something compels them to leave. Maybe an old addiction flares up again, and the predictable shame is too great a burden for Sunday morning attendance. Maybe the old habits creep back in. Maybe a new pastor is called who can’t seem to scratch the same itch as the former pastor. Whatever the case, the reason is still the same, and it is biblical: the original growth was illegitimate, and that has now been exposed.

My thinking is that this final group should be the one which keeps us up at night. We should be in constant prayer for them to return…instead, their names are seen as taking up space on our rolls; their baptisms may have become more like notches in our study desks. Shame on us. These are our neighbors, and perhaps family members of some of our dearest members. They should be sought out and brought back into contact with the congregation.

Last week, a field behind our church caught on fire. In all, nearly 40 acres burned up. In the hubbub of the fire trucks and rubberneckers, a woman I’d never seen before frantically ran up to me, “My church is on fire! My church is on fire!” All I could say was, “No…the building is fine. The field behind it is on fire.” But all I could think was What do you mean ‘my church’”? Lady, I’ve never seen you in my life, and I’ve been pastoring here for nearly four years! And truly I was convicted by that encounter. I’ve spent untold hours focusing on discontented members, but there are huge chunks of people near us who don’t even know me. We need to go seek them out. Wouldn’t Jesus do that for us?